Amerika wählt die zehn schlechtesten Filme

[Damien3]

Also für mich steht ja immer noch "Schultze gets the blues" an erster stelle...

Each year, the movie box office breaks the record set the previous year, largely due to more young audience attendance and rising ticket prices. Theaters continue to rake in all that dough despite the fact that Hollywood manages to produce more stinkers than Aaron Spelling--for every Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, there's a Catwoman.

Here are the year's top 10 turkeys we wished had just exploded in the oven, before imploding on-screen.

10. The Whole Ten Yards
The trimmings: In this remake, highlighting the further adventures of a retired hit man and his next-door neighbor, a dentist, Bruce Willis, Matthew Perry, Amanda Peet and Natasha Henstridge team up again to desperately try and recapture the original's charm. They don't succeed.
Why stuff it: Well, for one thing, we have to tolerate a domesticated Willis, shuffling around his Mexican villa in bunny slippers wearing a 'do-rag on his head, fussing over dinner and the fact that the potatoes are supposed to be "floating around the lobster, not just stuck there." Guess they thought the sight of Willis as a dowdy housewife would make moviegoers laugh so hard they'd forget to ask why.
This turkey's bottom line: The Whole Ten Yards fails to go the distance and, just like the title's dubious twist on the common expression, no one seems to know what it means.

9. New York Minute
The trimmings: Direct-to-video princesses Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen try their hand at the big screen as they hit the streets of Manhattan in search of a plot.
Why stuff it: If there are any loving sisterly moments, they are completely overshadowed by shot after shot of the girls either traipsing about town in 6-inch heels and, at one point, running through Manhattan in a terry cloth robes and towels, while consistently getting doused with liquids, be it puddle water, someone's drink or water from a sewer main. At least there are plenty of opportunity for the girls to change cute outfits.
This turkey's bottom line: While Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen have proven that they are no longer awkward looking 'tweens but ravishing young beauties, New York Minute's direct-to-video mode didn't do much to boost their careers--except maybe to pad their financial coffers, already worth an estimated $2 billion.

8. Johnson Family Vacation
The trimmings: Cedric the Entertainer and family go on an excruciatingly unfunny road trip to a family reunion from hell.
Why stuff it: Let's see…the family drives around in a souped-up SUV--with the same scenery rotating in the background, similar to The Flintstones when Fred would drive past the same palm tree next to the same rock house again and again--and has pathetic obstacles thrown their way. That and having to endure the actual reunion as the Johnson family performs a mack daddy musical number, á la the Brady Bunch, costumes and all. Shiver.
This turkey's bottom line: This talented cast needed a great big tire jack to get out from under the weight of this terrible road-trip comedy in desperate need of roadside assistance.

7. My Baby's Daddy
The trimmings: After a lifetime of hard partying, three bachelor buddies (Anthony Anderson, Eddie Griffin and Michael Imperioli) are in for a rude awakening when their girlfriends all get pregnant at the same time--and so do we, upon having to sit through it.
Why stuff it: Did you just read the premise?
This turkey's bottom line: My Baby's Daddy was marred by an inconsistent storyline and shoddy direction, which is a sorry and surprising letdown considering it featured such a strong roster of comedic talent.

6. Exorcist: The Beginning
The trimmings: This film attempts to explain the creepy origins of Father Merrin (Stellan Skarsgard), the same Father Merrin who would go on later in life to exorcise a nasty demon from a special little girl, as he deals with supernatural baddies in WWII.
Why stuff it: Um, how about there's nothing at all scary about the film? The dialogue is pitiable ("If everyone died, who buried them?"), while the special effects are just too laugh-out-loud funny, including the inane, man-eating CGI hyenas with beaming blue eyes. What makes those cartoony hyenas even sillier, though, is the fact that their presence is not needed or even explained, which pretty much sums up the entire movie.
This turkey's bottom line: Despite a promising start, Exorcist: The Beginning crumbled into a hilarious mess of a story with deplorable dialogue. Think Scare Tactics meets the world of bad, bad CGI.

5. Anacondas: The Hunt for the Blood Orchid
The trimmings: A few idiot scientists, a river boat captain and some corporate lackeys have the bright idea to travel to Borneo to get a flower that acts like a fountain of youth--but get tangled up with a mess of giant snakes instead. Darn the luck!
Why stuff it: Nothing can get better than a giant snake orgy. The reason there is a plural on the end of the title is that it's mating season for those frisky anacondas--and all the males have come running to find the delicious female in heat, chomping on blood orchids and getting huge (in more ways than one). Apparently in Borneo snake lovin' is a must, except no anaconda ever lived there (they're only indigenous to the Amazon).
This turkey's bottom line: You know exactly what you're getting into when you sit down to watch a sequel in which there is not only one but many giant super snakes, eating a bunch of really stupid scientists and slithering amok in a jungle they aren't even supposed to be in. Please tell me you know.

4. Paparazzi
The trimmings: Movie star Bo Laramie (Cole Hauser) has had just about enough of those pesky paparazzi--and when one (Tom Sizemore) threatens his family's lives, movie star Bo goes on a killing rampage.
Why stuff it: Why did this movie get made? Because the film's executive producer Mel Gibson said so, that's why. That's the only reason to explain a movie with an implausible premise turning a celebrity into a serial killer, and a sloppy one at that, over a little retinal glare.
This turkey's bottom line: Worthless as a film, Paparazzi was a $20 million poison pen letter from Mel Gibson to the photographers who annoy him.

3. Van Helsing
The trimmings: Even pitted against antihero Van Helsing (Hugh Jackman), clearly Dracula, Frankenstein's monster and the Wolf Man do not need to meet, unless they are in an Abbott and Costello movie.
Why stuff it: Whatever originality there is in the film leaves you either scratching your head--Dracula has minions of unborn, bat-like children born from goo-filled cocoons?--or rolling your eyes--the female vampire hunter (Kate Beckinsale) needs to kill Dracula so her nine-generations of family can reunite in Heaven? Please.
This turkey's bottom line: For the love of all that's unholy, drive a wooden stake, shoot a silver bullet, someone should have done whatever it took to put Van Helsing out of its misery.

2. Catwoman
The trimmings: What the Oscar-winning Halle Berry doesn't do, regrettably, is get a CAT scan to see what kind of ailment convinced her to make this lamebrain movie about a woman brought back to life for vengeance by the feline persuasion.
Why stuff it: The fact that it took a side villain from the Batman comic books and gave her full-court treatment as yet another antihero is bad enough. That, and Berry's wearing that god-awful, black-leather dominatrix outfit, too much makeup, eating tuna by the caseload and looking longingly at Jaguar hood ornaments as if they're long-lost relatives. What were they thinking?
This turkey's bottom line: No doubt Halle Berry will spend some time licking her wounds from the scathing reviews the film got. Hide this Catwoman on a hot tin roof--or anywhere else no one is likely to see it. It's that bad.

And our No. 1 Turkey of 2004:

1. Surviving Christmas
The trimmings: Somewhere between pitching the premise--an eccentric millionaire (Ben Affleck) persuades the family (James Gandolfini, Catherine O'Hara) living in his childhood home to let him spend the holidays with them--and the final product--an avaricious, materialistic, unfunny message of greed that unabashedly wasted the talents of the latter two actors--something went terribly, horribly wrong.
Why stuff it: From a more-menacing-than-funny Gandolfini to obnoxious, smarmy box office poison like Affleck, the movie didn't stand a chance. Plus, it's not at all a good sign when there are four credited writers on a movie and the director, Mike Mitchell, is best known for Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo. Nope, that's a big giant red flag.
This turkey's bottom line: If anyone needs to survive anything, it would be having to sit through this dreadfully unfunny holiday movie.